New Year resolutions and thoughts

I never really had New Year resolutions, I have had thoughts of what the new year should be like, what I should do for making it better than the previous and how this year I would become thin again, but I have never really set any goals. Which means that I rarely meet any of these thoughts or at least I don't make the biggest changes in my life.
But know at an age of 31, just finished with my thesis, I need to see some change for myself, and for my little family (boyfriend). We need a great year to start up our adult life, yeah until know I have still seen myself as a child or young adult. This year, something great is going to happen for us, I am not sure what, but we will surely be working on it.
On a personal level, I need to work on several areas, below I have highlighted some of them, which has been on my eternal bucketlist on Pinterest ;)

I used to be very thin as a child and teenager, I was very comfortable in my body even though I was very shy and I have never liked showering in a public bathroom or being to exposed naked wise. Maybe that is my Asian roots or the fact that some people always have had an interest for my look and body, and I didn't really like the attention, which I still don't. The fact is, I would very much like to loose some pounds and the look the best I can. I feel I have been there and therefore I feel I am not at my best in the moment. Don't get me wrong, I like curves, but not curvy fat. And have way too much fat on my body, it's not healthy or good looking. I don't feel comfortable in my clothes, I hate wearing tight outfits or less clothes (like for a trip on the beach). I prefer to hide away in big loose oversize clothing, which properly makes me look even bigger. Some would properly say I'm no that fat, but the fat is I want to be healthy, which I am not right now. I want to look my best and be at my best and I have the right to it. If others feel comfortable in my proportion, great for them, but I don't. And that needs to change and I know I can do it, it's very realistic but hard work!

The fact is I want to be feel beautiful on the outside. I am the best friend one could have, I am nice to most people in my life, even to strangers. Few people will even experience my darker more revengeful side, which means you'd really need to piss me off in some sorts.Back to the good, well I am always be my friends side, helping them out with or without their knowledge. I would have them living with when having troubles with family or heartbreaks, help them with their assignments, promoting their business etc. I would go that extra mile, even though I rarely get the same in return. That's just the person I am. But I don't see it in the mirror, I see a sad, overweight woman and not a strong caring woman. That needs to change.

I want to be comfortable in my body, in my own skin. I want to look in the mirror and see the same I see inside as outside. I want to feel proud of myself, I want to feel that I am on my best most of the time, that I couldn't have fought the fight any other way! 

I have to start believing in myself, that I am that great woman I see on the inside, that I can fight any challenge and end on the top. That there is meaning in this life's challenges and my fate isn't set.That my dreams can come true. I need to have that faith in myself I have to my very talented friends. I need to teach myself, it is really OK to be different, to be unique, to be the one I am am and is supposed to be. I need to learn that if everyone else have such high hopes, thoughts and expectations of me, I need to accept it and feel the same way. I am not destined to be ordinary as I am not ordinary, I am very different which gives me the ressource to make changes in my life and in others.

This means I need to be confident in my life, in my choices. I need to trust myself to make the right choices, in being courageously woman I am, confident that I will succeed and succeed with my heart, soul and min intact.

This can not be done if I keep listening to others, choosing their choices and living their life's, I am not a product of society's rules, I am the one who will break them and make my own. I am no to follow the common man, I am the one to set the new barriers.

To become this woman I need to my passion, for too long I have done the same as everyone else, not being true to myself, not believing that I am truly unique, hiding behind society and common behaviour. This is the end, I need to find myself and reach for the stars, because I am one and I am the brightest one, shinning down upon others. 

This may seem a little selfish, an exaltation of my ego etc. But this is not what I mean, it's meant in the most positive way. I am not at all selfish or egocentric, this is actually a personality I have lacked for years! 

My resolutions are not measurable, but are thoughts I need to carry with me in the coming years. And I could make a few that can be measured. Like I am starting off 2014 with a diet with less potatoes, bread, pasta, rice and sugar and with more workouts. I am actually challenging myself with Bikram yoga, to become one with my body and accepting my current state. I have already cancelled few appointments that will do my no good and made several that could change my life.

This is the year my inner fight begins, the fight of changing my thoughts, become beautiful inside out, being comfortable and confident in myself and living my own life to the fullest!

Is this realistic..? HELL YA!!!