Do you know that feeling?

The feeling of being fat!

I know this is a load of crap and fat talking, but I kind of need it. Sorry, don't read any further if you can't handle it. I know I promised not to fat talk or at least try not to. Sorry!

Well, I have been asked to make a big photoshoot with 4 other models (I should be happy about this!), but all of them are smaller than me. Some really small compared to me. And that makes me kind of scared, will I look fat? Posing together with these girls? Would I just become the fat friend again?

Think about it, my thigh measurement is the same as one of the smaller girls waist! She could hide behind my thighs! How could I ever shine above these girls? How could I appear healthy and beautiful, when compared to the others, that may or may not be as healthy but has the correct size, ideal wise.

I know it doesn't help to think like this, at all! And it doesn't do anything for me or the shoot, that I have these feelings, it could actually ruined the shoot as it could shine through me, that I have these feelings.

So why do I have these thoughts?

I have so many difficulties to stop these thoughts, its like they run my life and I can't fight them. It's ridiculous! And no matter how many compliments I receive, it does not help. I still feel fat, wrong and not attractive at all. I don't trust people, that their judgement is correct, their eyes must be deceived somehow. They see a pretty face and nothing else or a nice personality and mix that up with a pretty skinny girl. I feel trapped in this body, like a princess in her tower. I need to be rescued...but by whom? Myself? Who else could?

So how do I do that? I have never been self-centred, so how do I become one?